Self Obsessed Parents Give Child Awful Name

Love is not blind, nor does it always have good tase.

The moment Beyonce’s placenta hit the fan the Internet went kinetic with tales of Baby-Z’s Damien-like devilishness. Sources from Huffington Post to the less discerning Buzzfeed proclaimed the new bouncing beat of joy the child of illuminati, practically bent on the destruction of mankind. All this before the child beats her first murder rap.

The grandiose scope of Blue Ivy Carter’s (BIC for short) name has invited a host of speculation that all seems to miss the central issue of the young girl’s birth. Blue Ivy Carter is, unequivocally, a ridiculous name, given to a baby by two individuals so obsessed with their own legend they chose turn BIC into a reflection of themselves.

As conspiracy theories go this one is less than worthy of Fox Mulder and better used as drunken fodder for afternoon drinking.

Much has been made of the rap star’s ode to his newborn, on which BIC has a credit, and its obvious inferiority to his earlier more inspired work.

This is hardly the first time a celebrity has christened their self or someone they love with a name most humans would consider utterly absurd. But the interesting thing about the Carter’s most recent bad choice is the degree to which it’s been met with theory and analysis.

One theory posits that because Beyonce and Jay-Z are fond of the number 4–both are born on the 4th day of a month, they were married on the 4th, so on and so forth–and the name “Ivy” resembles the Roman numeral IV … you know what. Forget it.

The most jarring thing about the transformation of Jay-Z from self proclaimed hustler, to self proclaimed best rapper alive, to actual defendant and actual stabby guy is that it’s culminated in a persona that many now believe to be part of a secret society.

Miracles and conspiracies abound in our society of disbelief. A smart kid from the projects propelled himself to international stardom with a unique talent and now is part owner, part promoter for an NBA franchise.

Tim Tebow, an NFL quarterback selected in the first round of the draft completes passes to win a football and it’s considered a miracle.

Unfortunately this sort of hokum is encouraged and has reached the national discourse. And once a notion, no matter how ridiculous takes hold, it is blasphemy not join the chorus.

But though the press machine continues promote the notions and whims of those on whom they’ve trained their focus it is impossible to ignore simple truths.

Tim Tebow is not performing or being used to perform any sort of miracle for the Denver Broncos. He is a professional football player helping his team win games by playing football. This, most people would agree, is the reason the Broncos drafted him.

And Jay-Z and Beyonce are not members of a shadowy secret society. They are two self-involved performers who named their child with only their own importance and mythos in mind.

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