New Years Eve Advice Culled From the Vast Maw of the Internet

Mr. T says: "Ring in the New Year with style, fool!"

The age of authority is at an end here in the last hours of 2011. What I mean by that is we have access to so many sources of advice, pearls of wisdom, well researched and thoughtful advice from learned men and women that it is impossible for any one person or entity to claim itself a supreme authority on any subject. Sure, a large percentage of online content is written and shot by basement dwelling conspiracy theorists who have not known the touch of a woman since they stopped breast feeding in junior high and/or teenagers misspelling and mangling the English language into submission to make way for some sort of proto-speak that will be half text half grunts and bird sounds by the time we retire. But there have been some bright spots too.

This digital egalitarianism is, from a writer’s perspective, awesome.

To that end: here is a bunch of advice on how to spend this upcoming night of unabashed goodwill, drunkenness and amity called New Years Eve.

Esquire as usual has a handy list of how to drink hour-by-hour starting with an afternoon tipple to get the festivities started on the day. This includes several useful recipes and suggestions, but the most important takeaway for me is: don’t forget to drink at least once an hour until one passes out in a peaceful slumber in 2012!

Tom Chiarella, the excellent longtime Esquire columnist does mankind a solid by reminding us the importance of the Midnight Kiss and its proper application. Not that any of us needed reminding, but in a year dominated by raging republicans, pissed off masses, pissed off arab streets and global warming, it’s a testament to the human spirit that someone would at least write about the specialness of a kiss and it’s ancillary subtleties.

You can’t forget the bubbly on NYE, that would be like going to the Nealy’s and not eating the fried chicken. Details has a handy list of 5 sparkling wines all $20 and under. Stock up for you and friends.

Lastly, and this I personally feel is important: don’t dress like you’re going to help your uncle pull a root out of the yard. Throw on a blazer and a collared shirt. Black suits are especially appropriate. Yes, even if you are only going to a friend’s cocktail party. Many people believe that you determine the coming year based on how you ring it in. So be laugh with friends, have cash in your pocket, dress well and kiss someone when the ball drops.

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