Who Let the Hogs Out

When I was a kid I spent a lot of time at home unsupervised with naught but the television to keep me company. One of my favorite shows was Dukes of Hazard, chiefly for the muscle car. I was totally unaware of what the confederate flag meant and got a huge kick of out watching the General Lee kick up dust.

As I got a little older and learned a little more, I realized what I was watching: two stupid rednecks in an orange Charger with a symbol of racism on the roof tearing ass through a county of people who would probably happily kill me if I showed up. But damn could that car move. And who didn’t laugh at Boss Hog’s fat ass and Ennis, the retarded deputy?

I haven’t seen the TV show since I realized what it was at the tender age of about ten. From what I recall, using my adult evaluation, it really wasn’t worth the effort the first time, but Hollywood, being run by accountants, cokeheads and closet republicans is a never-ending forest of mediocrity.

So, in keeping with the theme of intellectual laziness they gave us The Dukes of Hazard: The Movie in 2005, a remake of a television show that glorified the Southern revisionism and longing for a time when they could dictate the terms of the nation’s social contract.

The movie (starring Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott–two guys who can be very funny) attempted to take advantage of the Southern boldness engendered by the culture wars at the time. The colored (and here its appropriate) extras and minor characters are as stereotypical as you’d expect, Bo and Luke are of course plucky and lucky and the girls are sweet, dumb and docile. In keeping with the spirit of the original show, the cops are easily manipulated and lied to.

Jessica Simpson is the only reason to watch this movie. Easily one of the most perfect specimens of hottness God has ever created. But dumb … so, so dumb. I mean, its not like I know her, she could be a Rhodes scholar for all I know, but I have yet to be impressed by her mental prowess.

There are a couple of moments in the picture that will put a smile on your face. Those are the ones you’d expect–car chases, half-naked Jessica Simpson, car crashes, and Burt Reynolds as Boss Hog is at least worth a chuckle.

Seeing the Duke boys again after about 13 years I can safely say, I feel duped. But still, them Duke boys can drive.

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